Sunday, March 3, 2019

Gratitude is my new attitude.

Today I am contemplating a lot of things. Big things. Huge life changing things actually...

Friday we got home from our super, mega fun trip to Disneyland with Jared's side of the family! It was the time of our lives... Not only did we go to Disneyland for 3 days but before that we spent two days on the beach and even go to go on a whale watching trip! It was all amazing... My kids have memories that will last them their whole lives.

Then yesterday the day after we got home it rained, allllll day! It was cold and slushy and a horrible day to come home to after a beautiful sunny California vacation. One thing I really wanted to do was clean out my car but that wasn't going to happen in that kind of weather. I had ran some errands in the morning and the water bottles were just rolling around in the back seats crunching over cookies and crumbs my kids had left behind.

So when it came time to run to Target later in the afternoon to pick up the girls new glasses, I jumped on Indy's suggestion to take her little Ford Focus on our errands so that I didn't have to look at the sad shape my car was in.  The roads were very wet and it was still raining but Indy and I made it to Target got the glasses and even looked around at a few things before heading home.

After we passed the University Parkway exit and I was traveling in the slow lane and I must have hit a puddle because the car hydroplaned and took on a mind of its own. We started to spin towards the median. I knew better than to try to make any sudden jerks with the steering wheel but I kept my hands on it to feel for any signs that I was gaining traction. We had spun 180 degrees by the time we crossed the 3rd lane over and it was like we were in slow motion because I was lined up exactly with a small blue SUV with maybe 8 ft between our front bumpers. Indy who was in the passenger seat says I kept saying to her, "Its going to be ok!" I started to feel a little traction on the steering wheel and I was able to stop us from spinning but we kept sliding towards the median. Cars were whizzing past and we missed each and every one. We were facing south on north bound I-15 as we were coming towards the median I worried about Indy since her side would hit first, we made eye contact and I probably yelled "its going to be ok" again, because that was the only option I could live with at the moment, and miraculously, when we hit the median first with the front corner of the bumper it took most of the impact and the rest of the car followed, almost gently, and we stopped almost completely out of the fast lane in a small shoulder area.

Jared was on a job in Coalville so the first call I made was to my dad and mom and they came to save us. (Its funny how in movies you always see them making jokes about adults calling for their mommy when they are hurt or scared, but its a real thing, you want your parents to be with you in those moments!) And luckily a highway patrol pulled up within 5 min of us crashing to check on us and give me some paperwork to fill out with shaking hands. The car was actually still working. (Jared says with a new bumper, radiator and tires it will be back to its former glory!)

The crazy thing about it all was I didn't feel scared. I felt safe. I have always worried that if I was ever in that very position as the driver with my car out of control would I know what to do??  And in the moment when it was actually happening to me I definitely felt spiritual guidance given to me. It must not have been my time to go, or in reality, maybe it wasn't Indy's time to go and I got saved because of her. Either way I felt divine intervention guiding me through all the cars passing by me ( I so wish there were cameras on the freeway!). But mostly while the car was spinning, I was pretty sure we would be ok. But when the car came to a stop and I thought about all the horrible outcomes that could have happened my thoughts were filled with gratitude. I was grateful for the time I just spent with Jared and our family. Grateful for all the good memories. Grateful for all the pictures and videos they had. Grateful that I had good kids. Grateful for all the people who loved me. Grateful that if it had been my time, knowing my family would be ok and they would take care of each other. Grateful for the gospel and that my kids loved it and lived it! Grateful that they would know that they would see me again.

And you know what I didn't even cross my mind for a millisecond??? Thoughts like- if only I had a six pack, or if my hair was longer, or if I used expensive face creams so I had less wrinkles, or if only I had spent more money on clothes, or that I had more followers on instagram...

Not one thought like that...

Which makes me realize how much time I have wasted worrying about worldly things that will have no importance to me when I cross over the other side. It has made me realize where my priorities are, and what direction I want to take my life from here. I know what brings me happiness and joy in this life and the life to come.

So right now I am contemplating all the things I am grateful for, most importantly my relationship with my Heavenly Father and my loved ones here on earth. I plan on cultivating them for the rest of my life and I am not gonna lie... I needed this wake up call and I will keep moving forward with faith!

Friday, March 16, 2018

life as i know it...

I think life is best lived in the moment, I get totally overwhelmed when I live life any other way...

And I seem to get overwhelmed a lot, apparently, so I guess I don't listen to my own advice very often so maybe you shouldn't either. 

Right now in my moment I am sitting on my bed next to Jared who is watching a (super boring) space documentary movie while I nod appropriately and say, "cool" at the right times, with Nash squished between us watching You Tube for kids. Libby and I got back from a Sodalicious run not too long ago after we dropped Ellie off at a late night at a friends house. Milo is enjoying some uninterrupted time on the switch playing Stardew Valley while Indy is at working the night away at Smashburger. This is a pretty good moment. 

I am pretty sure I should be worrying about how much screen time my kids are having, or the fact that my quality time with my husband is, well... not very quality, or the fact that I have only exercised once and I have drank more diet coke than water in the last week....

But I honestly don't want to worry about that anymore. 

I promised myself in January that I would stick to one and only one New Years resolution, and that is-- to Love... Love myself, love my kids, love my husband, love my life, my friends, my family, my job, my pets, my home... I just want to live in the moment and fill my moments with more love. Love brings peace, contentment and light to my life and I needed that.

I had gone through a lot of growing pains in 2017 as my life changed pretty drastically. I struggled with school and going back to work. I wondered if I had made the right decisions. I struggled to take care of myself. I struggled taking care of my children's needs. I struggled with my jobs at church and my spiritual growth. I especially struggled with being a best friend to my hubby. I had so much on my plate and if I sat still long enough and thought about it all, I felt so overwhelmed it always led to tears and negative thoughts. So I tried not to sit and think at all. I kept busy and I just went through the motions of my new routine. 

Starting chemistry in the fall just after starting my assistant manger position at Smashburger was the straw that broke the camels back for me. I ended up dropping chemistry right after Thanksgiving because it was so painfully hard for me. I had no time to study or get the help I needed to understand it while working 45 hrs + a week. That was hard. That broke my heart, to be honest. I had worked so freakin hard the 2 previous semesters. I wondered if school was the right thing for me anymore. I needed to work. I needed benefits and a paycheck. But doing school and work seemed impossible especially for my sanity.

And then there was a light... In the first week of January while I was taking the deposit to the bank for Smashburger like I did every morning, the bank manager asked to talk to me. I had become friends with all the tellers there and we loved to chat it up while I was there even if it was only a few minutes a day! Well, Danny, the manager, told me they had a position opening up and they would really love it if I would come work at the bank. It would be part time- 30 hrs, with great pay, and benefits, paid federal and state holidays, paid vacation, paid sick days, paid personal days... I felt so very blessed. I saw a way I could make my life work for me again not against me! Light started shining on the possibilities!

I said yes, and applied, and got the job. My start date was Feb 5th. I sadly put in my two weeks at Smashburger, I really loved my friends there it was so hard for me to say goodbye! But they were all very happy for me and made it easier on me-- rays of light!

I also got my financial aid all sorted out because I almost lost it when I dropped my class. So, yay, more light!!!

And here I am 5 weeks into my new job and feeling pretty good! I make mistakes everyday but I have been blessed with a great boss and coworkers who are patient teachers and very understanding. (I will do a separate post later on all the mistakes I have made and things I have broken!)  

I just signed up for chemistry again this summer. Its a live class that is 2 hours long, 4 days a week for 6 weeks, which sounds killer but I think chemistry will make more sense when I have more class time as opposed to the online class I took last time. I feel so much joy to know that school is back in my life. I know that is where I am supposed to be! 

(Oh school- you complete me--- ;)

And my family is so dang happy to have a mom  again and having dinner each night-! (being a mom is still my favorite job in the world and be watching for a post soon about how I won't be taking it for granted anytime soon!) 

Anyway I feel the need to keep a better journal... A journal of my "year of love and light"--  Hopefully, I can learn to let go of the unimportant and save my energy for the moment with all my loves! It won't be easy- I am not perfect and I still get overwhelmed on a regular basis but knowing my priorities helps me recenter when I let myself get too crazy!

I don't expect a single soul will have read this far but here it is... The end. 

Lots of love-

Sunday, June 12, 2016

Everyone has True Greatness

I have always wanted a family. From a very young age I started planning my family, and when I did get married at the ripe old age of 19, I chose a man who also wanted a family. We surprised ourselves by starting a family right away. And for the most part, I have been very content with my chosen profession. Here are 10  reason why I love my job-

1. It never gets boring. This job keeps me active and on the go!

2. I get to make the rules, although I can't really say I work for myself. 

3. I enjoy the people I work with, in fact, I would go as far as saying, they are my very favorite people in the world. 

4. There are times when it can be a thankless job, but in the moments when I do see the rewards of my efforts it is all worth it.

5. I get to make my own schedule, although I do have to get it approved by my "commitee".

6. Even though I don't get sick days, I do get take care of my babies when they have one.

7. I get to make food whenever I am hungry, although I do have to make enough for everyone.

8. I don't have to commute and I can work in my jammies if I feel like it.

9. I get to plan fun activities whenever I want and I always have someone to do them with me.

10. There are five people who love me, and need me, more than any other human being on the planet... And that is my favorite reason!

Those 10 reasons are great and make my life sound like a bunch of peaches and cream- but I have to be honest... 

There are days when it sucks. Days when I don't want to change another poopy diaper, make another hungry kid a PBJ, or wash my 10th load of laundry for the day- let alone fold it!

These moments come as often as the good ones, and sometimes they get me down and I think- Is this all that life has to offer me... Poop and peanut butter smears??? 

I am comforted by these words that tell me I am on the right path... And while sometimes my job seems like menial work with disgusting tasks that I wouldn't even expect a bio hazard crew to do, it has taught me so many lessons about life. I have learned that true greatness is in every single human being! It's not your job title that makes you great- its the attitude with which you do the job- whatever it may be- that makes you truly great. 

I am still working on this. It is not always easy to have a good attitude as I clean up after my kids and pets, or change diapers or hear kids fighting and/or complaining a hundred times a day... But I am a striving for progress not perfection...

If I know that my attitude is more important than the task at hand, and if I can remember it daily, I will achieve just as much greatness in my life, and in the lives of those around me, as any important king, queen, president, or leader! 

"To those who are doing the common place work of the world but are wondering about the value of their accomplishments; to those who are the work horses of this Church, who are furthering the work of the Lord in so many quiet but significant ways; to those who the salt of the earth and the strength of the world and the backbone of each nation- to you we would simply express our admiration. If you endure to the end, and if you are valiant in the testimony of Jesus, you will achieve true greatness and will live in the presence of our Father in Heaven." 
Howard W. Hunter - True Greatness

Sunday, February 21, 2016

The little Secret 2.20.2016

It was such a beautiful day yesterday! Perfect for playing outside with friends, riding bikes, and swinging at the park... After chores are done of course! 

You will have to see how we did on the video! And after a long day of chores and playing who wants to cook dinner!? Not me! Jared surprised us with some chinese take out and also with a little secret he has been keeping! 

You definitely don't want to miss this one!!

Saturday, February 20, 2016

Girls Night Out with Karaoke!

I am taking my blogging to the next level and it's called vlogging!

Yesterday was a busy day and I love staying reasonably busy and productive! Nash and I played in the beautiful sunshine, I went to help Jared paint an apartment while Nash went to Chelsea's, then back home for a nap and then a run! And after all that we got to go out for a karaoke night with the girls!

Check out the video to see how it all played out! Trust me you won't be sad you did!

Monday, December 21, 2015

Road Trippin': Where should we go to eat?

Cute (and healthy!) Neighbor Gift Idea!

Jared has been dabbling in hydroponics.
This man and his interests never cease to amaze me.
I think he is addicted to learning new things, because he is the master at 
learning any new trade that sparks something in his brain!

A little over 2 months ago he decided to grow some lettuce. I think, in his mind, he was thinking that maybe some how he could turn this hobby into a way to make money so he wanted to see how many he could grow at once to sell at farmers markets. I think he had about 100 romaine lettuce plants and a bunch of kale. He also has started a bunch of herbs and tree seedlings!
Jared learned a lot over the months the lettuce was growing, what worked and what didn't. I think the biggest problem is space. This set up takes up our whole garage so there isn't a lot of room for his other hobbies and interests to fit in his work space. ( I had to give up on parking in my garage years ago! )

The lettuce was ready to harvest just in time for the Christmas season and I had to find homes for all our yummy, organic, home grown lettuce before it went bad, and that is where my idea for neighbor gifts was born!

Picking the lettuce...

Packaging it all up!

Wow, that's a lot of lettuce!

Lettuce us wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!


The Jaynes Family