Now you see it, now you don't...

So it has happened...
I really didn't think this would happen so soon- in fact I was hoping it would never happen!!!
But the day came last week... I remember the moment vividly...
I was sitting in my front room having a primary presidency meeting. It was a laid back atmosphere, babies crawling around on the floor- putting things in their mouths they aren't supposed to... The older children are playing outside with neighbor kids... Life was perfect until--- IT happened-
Marseille pulled her beautiful new baby boy out from under her BYU nursing cover and gently held him to her shoulder and patted his tiny little back. It was so tender and loving- the way the baby just snuggled into her. At that moment I missed having a baby--- Can you believe it--- ME, of all people!! The overwhelmed, crazy mother of four beautiful children all under the age of 8...
At that moment, when IT happened, I wanted to go back in time 8 months to when Milo was that tiny and nurse him and cuddle him to my chest and burp him. Then I would lay him in my arms and look at his beautiful face and he would gaze up at me and then.... projectile spit-up would spew from his mouth... Then he would fuss and cry and it would take an hour to get him to sleep and then when he finally was asleep and I could finally try to do something else he would wake right back up and the cycle would start again. And while this is happening the girls are probably coloring on themselves with markers or making science experiments with things they find in the fridge--- And then then as suddenly as it happened it was gone, for now...


I think I will enjoy the place I am at right now. And try very hard not to wish for what was or what will be... because in life we have to keep going forward to make memories we leave behind us...